erratic.

Dear loved one, I have my utmost respect, love and care for you and I look up to you so much that every move you make is like a breath of fresh inspiration for me. You place a golden place in my heart, one that I swear will never ever be replaced by whomever nor whatever. Literally speaking, I can imagine myself willingly taking a bullet for you because if you die, the pain of having to live without you is more torturous than taking a bullet. But why... Why do you say these things to me? Why do you lower down my self-esteem so much and why do put out any ray of hope for me? Is it because you can't tell that I feel this way for you? Is it because you think I could do better in showing my emotions? You present yourself as someone with such intelligence yet when it comes to understanding someone you've known, taught and been with for what feels like a millennium - you fail, miserably. Listen. Please.. just... listen to my words. Listen to what I have to say and for once in ...

Hi everyone. I know it's been super long since I last posted. I got a bit busy with studies and got even busier after my igcse and now it's approximately the second week of summer and I've finally found some time to just sit down, waste time and ultimately, write. The past few months has gone by so quickly that I didn't manage to "be in the moment". I dont even know if that makes sense to some of you but what I'm basically trying to say is that everything went by incredibly quickly that when I wanna recollect my memories of the past, the events that happened seems to be shorter than what it really was. I was so stressed up and tired with studying a few months back and I dreamt and longed for the day I can bid goodbye to IGCSEs and now that it's officially done and over with, admittedly, I'm over the moon but at the same time, the feeling that I thought I'd experience was minimized and it kind of died down a bit, by day. Don't get me wr...

There's two completely absurd things that I just don't understand about we humans. About my own kind. 1) Censorship. Whenever someone swears on television, they get beeped. Why? It's literally a mere word. I mean, it's a word that has bad meaning behind it but it won't physically harm you. And if it is because the meaning of the word is harsh/mean/rude, why isn't "ugly" or "fat" censored? Calling something ugly or fat is more hurtful than saying fuck. So tell me now, why is censorship even necessary? We all know that person said something bad, we judge them and we move on. It doesn't affect us at all. Calling people names - to kill their self esteem - now that, needs to be censored. But we don't have them now, do we? 2) Perceptions. Why is it a good thing to raise your thumb to humans but a bad thing to raise your middle finger to them? Both fingers are mere extensions from your hand. Like who suddenly woke up and label these fing...

Looking through some old photos and realizing how many people have walked out of my life. Those were the people who swore on their life they'd stay no matter what, but with a little hassle, they gave up and left. nonetheless, I have them who stayed. for years. those who saw me mature, those who has seen two sides of me, those who knew my dark secrets that I dare not tell now. It's really saddening to think that people are bound to grow apart. You may think you can keep your bunch of friends with you forever, but let's face the truth, people aren't that nice. Why would they stay when they can have someone better? Why would they stay if you won't benefit them? Some may stay but never expect things to remain the same. throughout the years, you may stay the same but people and things will change. they might argue otherwise - they might say that you've changed and things aren't working out. all you can do to make it all seem better that what is actually is, is ...

Come to think of it, people who constantly complain and never show an ounce of gratitude towards what they have are simply void of knowledge. Honestly, the more you know about what's happening in the world, the less you'll feel incomplete and the more grateful you become. Read, learn, seek for more and your life will never be not worth living for.

When I found out about the shooting that happened in Sandy Hook elementary school, I was shocked, appalled and revolted. People are getting more twisted by day. Where has consideration and sensibility gone? Let's make it even simpler - where was your heart and brain? For drama, I had to do some research on high school shootings in america and the amount of information I obtained from my research is unbelievable. I'm not going to explain to you these shooting rampages however if you are keen to know about it, try googling some of these: Columbine crisis 1999, Virginia Tech or just google high school shootings in america. Nonetheless, be prepared to lose faith in humanity.  The main message I'm trying to convey here is directed towards teenagers my age. Look, before you have the chance to think "This is my right, I can tweet or say what ever I want" "Kau siapa nak suruh aku buat benda" all the stuff along those lines, please just take into consider...

Love yourself. Love every aspect of you. Love it with a passion. Take pride of what and who you are. Love every single cell of your body. Love your flaws and laugh at how the flaws make you the way you are. Love your difference. Love your weirdness. Love your insanity. Love your clumsiness and mistakes. Always love everything about you even when no one else will. At the end of the day, loving yourself will only result in you being the happiest person on earth. Don't rely on other people for that love and care, don't wait for things to happen, love yourself and go through this life with your head up, heart full.