erratic.

Hello folx and friends! It's been a while since my last post, and reading back, that was when I was still a student - and boy has lots changed. The past 3-4 months of my life has been the most uncertain and confusing moments of my life, but I'm glad that things are starting to look up now. Just in time... for 2020. First things first, I officially completed my degree in chem eng! Woohoo. Thinking back to when I first started, I had so many doubts in myself. But I was lucky to have been surrounded by supportive and ambitious people who push me and motivate me to not let my doubts get the best of me. Fast forward to my third year of university, I transferred to Australia! That transition in itself had such a big role in my life and its outcomes, and regardless of the bad days, I am so grateful for the experience it has taught me, and the woman it's made me today. A little about my life in Australia; I had my most severe depression episode while I was there - my counse

Everyone always talks about how liberating it feels to walk out of a bad relationship, how much better your life is once you cut someone toxic out of your life -- and almost everytime when we read stories like this, we can't help but relate to their perspective, and seek comfort in it -- seek comfort in the belief that we were the ones who got hurt, we are the ones who's lives will get better, and we are the one who tried to make the relationship work.  Then one day, once you get tired of living a lie and playing the victim card, you slowly start to realize your flaws, one by one. And you start to remember how you let your flaws get the best of you back then -- how you let your flaws defined you as a person, and served as an excuse for the mistakes you did in the relationship. You start to realize your role in the shit storm that happened, and how you could've made things better, how you could've avoided so much pain from happening to yourself, and others, and how to

There's just something about being in your 20s that just warrants one of two - destruction or growth. I don't know if it's just me but people everywhere have somewhat drummed it into themselves and myself, that our 20s will determine how the rest of our lives are gonna play out. if that's objectively true, then you have to admit, that's a mortifying reality. for many, being in their 20s may be the first time they have to be away from their family; their main guidance and support system. for many, being in their 20s mean they have no option but to live independently on their own two feet. for many, being in their 20s mean they have unprecedented freedom. with that much novelty in freedom and independence - these are the times we are bound to make the most mistakes. and for people to tell me that some of these mistakes may cost me my future - that's terrifying. maybe this is just an asian mentality thing but whatever degree of truth this perception holds, all we c

I'm 20 but I still believe in the whole novelty of a new year - as if a change of date on the calendar means anything significant. I still believe that entering a new year means we bid goodbye to the past year and everything that comes with it - the sweet memories, the bitter heartaches, the successes, the failures, the gains and the losses. But deep down we all know that's untrue. No matter how bad your year has been, a new year won't erase the awful year from your life. Whatever happened or didn't happen to you will contribute to defining your life and ultimately defining you. The point where I started to try to understand the concept of time was back in 2013, a year when I started to see 'time' in people and 'time' in places. When I would reset my goals and my outlook at the beginning of every year, lose hope in the middle and try to make the most of what is left of the year towards the end. I feel like this is how adults, *young* adults, for a ma

This complex world that we live in, our essence are assigned to a spectrum, there's the extroverted, there's the introverted they become different people along the way, but they are always reverted Never leave the house without momma, or else the bad guys will getcha, never trust a man except your poppa, because all men are bad, he told ya. Their body lived under one same roof, their minds lived in a big digital spoof, these precious minds we fooled into believing, what's behind the screen is reality livin', but the screen's reality is multifaceted boo, so which reality are you gonna do? now you're in your 20s, soul searchin', you were so many things, and now you are reduced but refined empty but plenty lost but found the personalities that you have worn all this while, is like a cheap pair of shoes you buy em because you think they look good on you, you buy em cheap because you're not equipped or ready for a big investment, b

They say wisdom begins when you start defining terms. I realize that I have a million things on my mind and I mildly address each issue, like spreading butter on bread, that I don’t get anything resolved. At the core of my emotional distress and mental let down, I believe that there is a knot to be untangled. And for that to happen, I have to work meticulously, thread by thread, with patience and commitment to get that simple, straight, usable thread. By thread I mean state of mind. So, let’s start with what life, at least my life, revolves around  - passion and career. I watched movies of people trying to find themselves and find their passion and as a kid, never have I once asked myself, “What is MY passion and who am I, really?” As I grew up, I realized that to get through life, you have to find your strength and know them like the back of your hand. Your strength is the only super power you have, and we all need superpowers, it’s an essential necessity. Hence, I begin to embark an