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overwhelmed

There's just something about being in your 20s that just warrants one of two - destruction or growth. I don't know if it's just me but people everywhere have somewhat drummed it into themselves and myself, that our 20s will determine how the rest of our lives are gonna play out. if that's objectively true, then you have to admit, that's a mortifying reality. for many, being in their 20s may be the first time they have to be away from their family; their main guidance and support system. for many, being in their 20s mean they have no option but to live independently on their own two feet. for many, being in their 20s mean they have unprecedented freedom. with that much novelty in freedom and independence - these are the times we are bound to make the most mistakes. and for people to tell me that some of these mistakes may cost me my future - that's terrifying. maybe this is just an asian mentality thing but whatever degree of truth this perception holds, all we …

How has your year been?

I'm 20 but I still believe in the whole novelty of a new year - as if a change of date on the calendar means anything significant. I still believe that entering a new year means we bid goodbye to the past year and everything that comes with it - the sweet memories, the bitter heartaches, the successes, the failures, the gains and the losses. But deep down we all know that's untrue. No matter how bad your year has been, a new year won't erase the awful year from your life. Whatever happened or didn't happen to you will contribute to defining your life and ultimately defining you.

The point where I started to try to understand the concept of time was back in 2013, a year when I started to see 'time' in people and 'time' in places. When I would reset my goals and my outlook at the beginning of every year, lose hope in the middle and try to make the most of what is left of the year towards the end. I feel like this is how adults, *young* adults, for a major…

Wear and tear

This complex world that we live in,
our essence are assigned to a spectrum,
there's the extroverted, there's the introverted
they become different people along the way,
but they are always reverted

Never leave the house without momma,
or else the bad guys will getcha,
never trust a man except your poppa,
because all men are bad, he told ya.

Their body lived under one same roof,
their minds lived in a big digital spoof,
these precious minds we fooled into believing,
what's behind the screen is reality livin',
but the screen's reality is multifaceted boo,
so which reality are you gonna do?

now you're in your 20s, soul searchin',
you were so many things,
and now you are reduced but refined
empty but plenty
lost but found

the personalities that you have worn all this while,
is like a cheap pair of shoes
you buy em because you think they look good on you,
you buy em cheap because you're not equipped or ready for a big investment,
but they don't last long…

Define your passion.

They say wisdom begins when you start defining terms. I realize that I have a million things on my mind and I mildly address each issue, like spreading butter on bread, that I don’t get anything resolved. At the core of my emotional distress and mental let down, I believe that there is a knot to be untangled. And for that to happen, I have to work meticulously, thread by thread, with patience and commitment to get that simple, straight, usable thread. By thread I mean state of mind. So, let’s start with what life, at least my life, revolves around  - passion and career. I watched movies of people trying to find themselves and find their passion and as a kid, never have I once asked myself, “What is MY passion and who am I, really?” As I grew up, I realized that to get through life, you have to find your strength and know them like the back of your hand. Your strength is the only super power you have, and we all need superpowers, it’s an essential necessity. Hence, I begin to embark a…

I'm writing about what's written

You know, there are so many things that have happened in the past few months that went off the track that I planned. Last year was a tough year for me but I took it as a learning experience that will prepare and strengthen me for what 2015 had in store for me. I was excited and hopeful with 2015. I was excited to move on from the two year long, torturous IB Diploma course that I was enduring for so long, I was excited to go on adventures to rediscover the beauty in the world that I once saw at one glance, I was hopeful to meet people who would just walk into my life and fill in the gaps that has been missing for god knows how long, I was hopeful to meet someone that could make me feel a deep connection so sacred, intimate and private - something I haven't felt in a long time. But my life took a turn. It took a turn into a path that I didn't expect, a path that I deep down feel I deserve better, a path that just once again, hints at me that, I have done something awfully wrong …

Regret and redemption.

When people deem themselves as fair and impartial, I become a bit cynical to the claim because I've learnt that as humans, it's impossible for us to be fair and impartial. We all have our needs and desires, we all have ego and no matter how pious we are, we are all born with ignorance and with ignorance, arrogance surfaces.  Whenever we get into an argument or a misunderstanding with someone, the spotlight in our head immediately dims anything that will prove us wrong and shine bright on the things that prove us right, no matter how small it is. It's so easy to feel like we're in the right because no one wants to be at fault, no one wants to realize that they've made a mistake - everyone wants to believe what they want to believe. Isn't delusion such a comfortable yet dangerous thing? And the saddest part is that we are not evil people. We're just dumb and delusional and a little bit vulnerable and scared. So that when our conscience finally catches up, we …

Reflect.

It's easy to forget about the great things in life, when there are things shadowing like a dark mist over those great memories. Life's stupid and unfair that way, I think. We're more likely to pay more attention to negatives and overlook the overwhelming positives that's right under our nose. It's unnatural for people to laugh over the same joke but it's completely human to cry over the same thing over and over again.

I baffle myself sometimes, how in one second, I can be the happiest person alive and all it takes is one grain of negativity and my mood just plummets. I wish I had a more grateful and thankful nature, I know for a fact there are so many things in my life and around me that a lot of people would like to have and I know that I am luckier than most but I still refuse to train myself to love these things because loving is hard. Hating is the easiest thing one can do, it's love that takes work.

But the end of my teen hood is approaching and the fa…