erratic.

What is it with me with caring so much about what the society has to say? What is it with me with being so afraid of what people might think about it or accept me? What is it with me with not being able to set my priorities straight? What is it about me that makes everyone get over me so quickly? What is it about me that has to be so damn hard to reach out to happiness? What is it about my life that just seems to disappoint me, and people I love? I know it's not my decision to let the society talk but it's my choice to listen to them or not. I know, I know. Quotes like those are all around Twitter and Tumblr and I wish someone would at least "walk the walk", yknow? I'm very complicated and I've never really had self-esteem in my dictionary. I need a very solid proof that someone could actually ignore the society and walk in their own shoes feeling proud. I've so many things to do about myself, but yes, I don't have a strong personality, in fact, I&

They say Twitter and Tumblr is the best place to run when you're down, I say, my blog. I mean like seriously, these people on Twitter just annoy the hell out of me. People complaining to be fat and whining about the small imperfections. Yes I may come across two or three people who understands me but it just won't do it. And Tumblr just surrounds me with all this people I can't be and all the things I can't have. So, why punish myself? These past few days, I've been spending quite sometime with my bestfriend, Sofea. Slept over at her house as well and laughed till we went starving. I really did have a great time with her. Made some new friends as well! This girl! I haven't seen her for two years! I miss you!  Spent the entire day at KLCC today to shop for winter clothes. Still, I have no excitement spurning on me. I'm such a heartless person. Haih. Seriously man, NOTHING EXCITES ME ANYMORE. I'm so sick of being this too-hard-to-be-amazed

Hey, Assalamualaikum guys! I know I have not been updating my deprived blog quite some time and it wasn't cause I was busy or anything, I purposely left it "abandoned" the whole week so that when it's Friday, I have something relevant and decent to blog about. Well, to start off, my week has been an utter blast. Started off the week by going to Kanchanaburi with parents and grandparents. Kanchanaburi is not a particular place to have "fun" cause there's not much to enjoy on. It's mostly sightseeing and shopping. There weren't any Halal restaurant either so food wise, there isn't much to elaborate. But surprisingly, Kanchanaburi was so calm, cool and quite. I find it really relaxing and calm. The weather, the people, the trees, the rivers. It was really calming, for me, at least. Went to school the following days and WEDNESDAY AND THURSDAY was the bomb! (y) On wednesday, I had to perform in a christmas concert with my bestfriends, Sofi a

My mom read my blog and she was all like, "Why are you so pessimistic?" "Who do you sound so hopeless?" "So sad?" "So unlucky?" "WHY!?!?!?!?!" And yeah, basically she did not agree with me being all emoshiz on my blog. And I'm like, lol, yeah, I am pessimistic, and sad, and depressed, and I will express stuff even if it's emoshiz. And she's like, "NO. Cause that's stupid, and I will not allow you to act stupid" Sheesh, since when was expressing STUPID? Nevermind. I'll just respect her opinion. If she thinks my blog needs a "change of scenery" or mood or atmosphere, then I will. So, let's talk about the thing that makes me happy. SHOPPING. So, I went to Terminal 21 just now to find an outfit to wear for my Christmas concert next week and ohmygod, Tokyo level has so many nice things!!! :( Rambang mata kut tengok sini sana, like seriously.. So yes, I bought a new dress it's black a

Everytime I believe in something, I get crushed. Mr.Barton said that if we "believe" something will happen, 97% of it will. You know what, that's utter BS. I'm a dreamer. I dream big, I hope big, I want big. But all I get is nothing. Zero. "Keep trying and you'll make it" <--- THIS TOO, UTTER BS. Like wtf? If you just can't do it, you just can't.No matter how much or how hard you try, you'll never be on top. Some people are born talented and gifted and some aren't. And the second part happens to be me. I'm taking a long trip down memory lane. The old me is desperately wanting to push away the "new" me. TBH, I really like who am I now or who I'm trying to be now.. I'm more optimistic and patient, I'm more hardworking and confident. But the old me keeps pushing away these good things in me. I'm forever not gonna taste pure success and happiness. EVER. It's like, eveyrtime I'm up, the whee

HAPPY FIRST OF DECEMBER EVERYONE! Wow, do I sound happy. Don't be deceived or anything, I'm not happy at all. Ugh, I wanted first of december to be happy and full of laughter and joy or anything NOT involving sadness, anger and disappointment. Why? On this day jugak, I have to feel all three of those? I mean, yes, I may not be in the position to deserve to be happy, but seriously life? ALL THREE OF THEM? Just shoot me already. "If masa pagi you dapat badluck, masa malam mesti good things akan happen to you" - Teera Oh girrrrlll, how I wish that was true. My day started out OK! No one spoke in the bus today, everyone so dismotivated or something, I DON'T KNOW -.-' We all slept in the bus and yes, basically no one takes the first of december as important as I do. Then, school was okay blablabla had issues with Iman and Sofi was sick so it was just me and Ameena. Maths was a pain in the ass. Scratch that. pain to the whole body! Coming home, I started to