Post-uni life.

Hello folx and friends!

It's been a while since my last post, and reading back, that was when I was still a student - and boy has lots changed. The past 3-4 months of my life has been the most uncertain and confusing moments of my life, but I'm glad that things are starting to look up now. Just in time... for 2020.

First things first, I officially completed my degree in chem eng! Woohoo. Thinking back to when I first started, I had so many doubts in myself. But I was lucky to have been surrounded by supportive and ambitious people who push me and motivate me to not let my doubts get the best of me. Fast forward to my third year of university, I transferred to Australia! That transition in itself had such a big role in my life and its outcomes, and regardless of the bad days, I am so grateful for the experience it has taught me, and the woman it's made me today.

A little about my life in Australia; I had my most severe depression episode while I was there - my counselor said that I had seasonal depression - meaning that my depression was extremely triggered during the winter (amongst other factors). I started off my journey in Australia with getting my heart extremely broken and consequently plunging into depression. Day by day, I would wake up and feel disappointed that I'm awake. Gosh. Even writing it now makes me feel repulsed by the toxic mentality I had at the time. But, much like everything in this world, the shitty mentality wasn't permanent. I started to feel really bad for treating myself so badly - and for allowing my days in this beautiful country to pass by, as I wallow in self-pity. At some point, you have to get up, get out and work to be happy.

Second semester in Australia rolled around, and I was feeling stronger. I started to put myself more out there, seize every opportunity that crosses my path, and be friends with everyone. It really did turn my life in Australia around. And from that point onwards, the rest is history.

This is not to say the rest of my days in Oz were all rainbows and butterflies. I still had my rainy days. But thank god I had an umbrella with me.

Then comes my final semester. One of the most common things I got asked was, 'How does it feel to be in your final sem?? You're almost done!!" For most of it, I rarely felt like I was close to the finishing line. I had no idea why I felt like that. I assumed that I was just dead inside and rarely felt things. So whenever someone springs the question onto me, I always replied with a soul-less answer.

Things reallllyyyy started hitting me in the final week I was in Melbourne. I started to look at things, and realise that I'll never see that house, that old lady, that street, that tree, that bed, that kitchen... ever again. Oh yeah, one small detail - I had made the decision to graduate in Malaysia instead due to personal reasons. So, yes. Everything around me felt like finality.

You see. Goodbyes are only hard, when the person or the place you're saying goodbye to, is meaningful. My goodbyes were hella hard. It really was. My housemates can testify my days of ugly crying. I was so emotional. But, deep down, I knew that this was just a part of life, and I need to move on in order to get on to better things.

And so I moved on. But was it to better things?

Not in the beginning.

I faced what a lot of fresh grads in Malaysia faced, unemployment. 

Initially, I was so sure that I was going to get a good job easily because of my experiences and qualifications. But the more time passed, the less confident I became. And then for some reason, THIS YEAR, so many reports came out on engineering fresh grads being highly unemployable, or lowly paid, or mistreated -- and that just shoved my entire confidence down the drain. Thus the start of my confusion and uncertainty.

What was the point of sacrificing so much over a test? 
What was the point of all that hardwork? 
Was the time and money spent worth it in the end? 
What the hell am I gonna do now? 
4 years just going to be a waste of my time and sanity then?? 

I felt so lost. I didn't know what else to do besides relentlessly apply to jobs. Second month of unemployment rolled around, and I finally lowered my ego, and decided, I'm going to have a plan B.
At that point in my life, I had one main priority - Money. So, I started applying to jobs in the hospitality field. No shade for the hospitality field, but as someone who's dedicated 4 years of her life, only to throw her potential away and work for something that's completely unrelated to her specialty -- not gonna lie, my ego got hurt. A lot.

However, my coping mechanism in life is to always see the good in things, be grateful, and have faith in God. So I started my first job as a Customer Service Executive. The reality of it was, I was out of place. But, in my head, this is what I kept telling myself: Hey, the pay is alright, it covers all your needs and there's still some extra for your leisures. The people are nice too. The office is alright as well. At least you get to make money, and you're not stressing. 

Easier said than done.

My gratefulness was so easily shaken that even a simple and harmless question by my colleague 'Why are you not working in your field?" got to me. Like, peeps, I did not plan this out. I am as confused as you are, if not more. But we all got things to pay for, and applications don't generate any income. So... let me be?? Of course I was just being defensive in my head, because I knew no one actually meant anything mean by it.

And then finally, I got a call.
And then I went to the assessment center.
And then I got hired. 

Alhamdulillah. I finally feel like I'm getting my life back together, and everything happened exactly how it was meant to happen.

Post-uni life can really be a shock if you don't plan well for it, and have a relatively correct expectation for it. So, I hope this somehow helps manage the expectations of ya'alls who are still studying. Looking back, I would've definitely tried harder to make the most of my final sem, be more serious in job applications and planning on what to do with my time after uni.

But if you're like me, and just sort of stumbled out of student life and into unemployment life, it's okay. Because we're all so young and naive, and have so much more to learn and experience. Making that mistake will only make you wiser as a person, and more appreciative of time. There will be days that you will feel extremely low, but as long as you know and understand that nothing is permanent, and that you'll be okay later -- you will get through any stormy days. Keep working on whatever you're working, regardless of the setbacks, regardless of how many times you give up. As soon as your mood goes back to normal, pick it back up. It's really these small things that make a difference in the bigger picture. Lastly, have faith in God. Never stop praying to Him, and believe that He knows whats best for you, and He will settle all your worries. As long as you keep trying, you should be fine.