I'm just one of those people..

I'd like to start off my post with an apology for not keeping on track with my blog. Lately I've been busy and I don't really have the time to just sit, and write.

On Tuesday, I went to the hospital for a medical check up. I've been x-rayed a few months before and I was said to have scoliosis. For those of you that has no idea of what scoliosis is, here's the picture of it. 

Yes. My backbone is crooked. And it looks similar to this. My curve is 58 degrees. That's how bad it is.  You can see that my spine isn't like other normal people.

So last Tuesday when I got a serious medical check up, specially for my spine, the doctor said that I had a big curve. He said the only option is for me to recover is by SURGERY.

I've been through a surgery and so did my grandparents, my brother and my dad. But the surgery I had, was a small surgery. That wasn't a big deal for me, at all. I had the least risk on the line.
But this. A spine surgery. It's a MAJOR SURGERY. A super big surgery. And I'm fifteen. Fifteen. And I'm going to a major surgery that can cost my life. Can you imagine my feelings when the doctor told me the news? I swear I was burst into tears.

I've read some stories about people who had/has scoliosis. All of them were devastated by the fact, and yeah, I finally feel the feeling of not being the only one. Most of them questioned WHY DID THEY HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS? WHY THEM? WHY?

Heh, I've asked myself the same question every night I go to sleep. 

Well I'm really grateful that I have my parents who can comfort me with their advice. After the check up, Mommy and Daddy gave me a pep talk. Mommy said to not be really concern about this. Having a scoliosis doesn't mean I can't live my life to the max. I can. But I'm not going to be like other people.
Daddy said it's just a matter of appearance. The thing that made me relief was when daddy said, 'It's not a disease. It's a deformity. And scoliosis isn't because of what you eat, or what you do or whatever, it's just fate. It's God's will. Scoliosis is like having a messy/crooked teeth. It won't hurt you, but then again, it's a matter of appearance, and you didn't eat something or do something to have those teeth. You just have it'.

So now I know, I have no one to blame, not even me. So I won't hate myself for doing this to me. I'm not even gonna blame fate for this.
I'm sure there's a silver lining in everything. Life says no, and gives you something better. I'm gonna just have to deal with my deformity and just live my life. I'm not normal. I was born this way. And yeah, at first I was crying my lungs out, asking why why and loads more of 'why's. I end up getting nothing. So I guess I can't do anything about it and wait for the next check up. I'll just leave it all to God.

I'm still unsure about the surgery. Daddy says yes. Mommy says no. I mean, everyone has their own risk when it comes to surgery, right? At first I thought that it won't be a big deal since thousands of people do it, and as far as I know, very little failed in the surgery. But hey, those people could or could not be me.
Am I willing to take a death risk of this? I mean, guys! It's a SPINE surgery. The support system for the whole body. It's a major thing. I don't know if anyone could feel how it's like to be in my shoes, but if they do, then you do. You do get it. And it's good to have someone getting IT.

Yes, this feeling bugs me every day. Every night. I just need a person who can gives me words of wisdom EVERYTIME I have this feeling. But that's impossible. No one is capable of doing that.

I guess I'll just have to let time pass by as I do the things I love most and just push this feeling away.

PS; If any of you guys who are reading this has scoliosis, PLEASE PLEASE let me know. And do tell me the best way. To go through surgery, or to not. Thanks.

I'm just of those people,
Nureen.