Something that I felt a long time ago.

I've felt this way before... I'm just bored and I just wanted to share the dreadful feeling I've been through once. 

I felt like I had no one to rely on, I see everyone as a faker. Everyone just so busy caring about their social scenery that they put aside the truth. They put aside about caring about what other people felt. I felt like I had no true friends. The only way to turn is to God. And I was ashamed to turn to Him, for I was not a good slave to Him. I felt like I was rejected by everyone. I felt lonely. I felt sad. I was angry. I wanted the days to end quickly and I would be unhappy when the sun rises, and it's time for me to grab another day ahead. I always wanted to give it a go, but I was too scared of people's thought of me. I was too scared to let it out and be myself. I let other people controll me and I felt like myself has rejected me, myself. All I wanted to do was to curl up in my bed and just to be left alone. Let me rest on my bed that's covered with Yellow sheet, under my thick green blanket, with the aircond on and some decent music accompanying me. Let me be alone and get myself together. I just wanted that. But again, no one understood. They thought I'm being dramatic, I'm being selfish, I'm being childish. What they didn't know was that, this feeling, if not being handled, is killing me slowly inside. 

This was one of the pain that you know, you can actually feel it in your heart. That pain. You can feel. And taking a deep deep deeeeeeeeeeeeeep breath would make it slightly better somehow. Watching everyone being happy about whatever they have, and knowing that I cannot get what I desire. Just clinging in the corner of the room, observing fortunate lives and being the pessimist be, felt like I was hopeless. 

But like everything in life, it moves on. Rephase: I moved on. I got over the feelings and just went with my guts. And look, life's gooooood now : )

So I guess the moral here is, when life knocks you down, it's not about staying down or getting up, it's about what you want to do. Do you want to stay down for you know that you have crossed your limits? Or you know that you are intended for a better way? So you get up? See, the one's who's heart says they can and cannot are both usually right. Follow what your heart says. That's all I gotta say. Don't let the mind trick you, for your heart is where the natural instinct is. 

Love

x