what do you do when isolation kills you slowly?

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it's like, no matter how hard you try to be nice to people and make things right, good things never favor you.  you keep on trembling along the way that you fall on your face, flat, you know?
I hate this okay? I'm trying so hard to acknowledge and appreciate everyone and everything around me but call me selfish and obnoxious but it's hard. People are mean, things are hard, life is complicated.

it sucks to initially think you have true friends then slowly realizing that none of these phonies will be there for me when I hit rock bottom. none of them will take some time off their life to concern about mine, I'm 100% sure that none will.
whatever, deem me an ungrateful friend, but when I have a thought, I say it, and my thought believes that I will stand alone when I do actually hit rock bottom.
Forget hitting rock bottom, even the issues that I'm facing now is being overlooked by everyone. Lol actually no, no one really knows or understands what I'm going through now, cause I'm sick and tired of ranting to people who'll use my problems against me someday.
I used to say sorry to everyone and myself for all my imperfections but this time, no, I'm not sorry for screwing up everything, I'm not sorry that I try so hard, I'm not sorry that my words offended you and above all, I'm not sorry that I couldn't please you, any of you.

"everyday she wishes that God would miraculously send her someone that genuinely likes her for all her flaws and silliness, love her for what she is and will always stand by her, always. the tragic is, day by day, she starts to lose faith and what becomes of her now? Empty, she is" 





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