Thursday, July 30, 2015

I'm writing about what's written

You know, there are so many things that have happened in the past few months that went off the track that I planned. Last year was a tough year for me but I took it as a learning experience that will prepare and strengthen me for what 2015 had in store for me. I was excited and hopeful with 2015. I was excited to move on from the two year long, torturous IB Diploma course that I was enduring for so long, I was excited to go on adventures to rediscover the beauty in the world that I once saw at one glance, I was hopeful to meet people who would just walk into my life and fill in the gaps that has been missing for god knows how long, I was hopeful to meet someone that could make me feel a deep connection so sacred, intimate and private - something I haven't felt in a long time. But my life took a turn. It took a turn into a path that I didn't expect, a path that I deep down feel I deserve better, a path that just once again, hints at me that, I have done something awfully wrong in my past life to be punished like this.

"Punishment? It's not that bad"

You're right. It's not horrible at all. My problems take the form of quantity, not quality. They may not be massive and disastrous but they sure stick around for as long as I can remember. No matter how hard I try to get out of this cruel cycle that I feel I am fated to be in, some odd circumstances will knock me back into this entrapping cycle. Man, pain takes a myriad of forms. It could be a broken arm, a broken heart, a broken mind. A broken dream. Something's broken in this life of mine. I'm stupid enough to try to patch it up together. But when all you have is glue and tape, things are bound to break.

The fact that things are temporary used to scare me. Now I take comfort in that - in the fact that all my worries, sorrows, setbacks, tears - they will all just fade away into the quantum realm where you, I, we are irrelevant.

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